


Read Me Right

by Minty_Pixie



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Powers, Eventual Romance, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Light Angst, Light BDSM, M/M, Mind Reading, Romantic Friendship, Slow Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-05-10 06:46:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14731955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Minty_Pixie/pseuds/Minty_Pixie
Summary: One touch is usually all it takes for Kyungsoo to know what people are thinking.But he never imagined reading his best friend’s mind would involve a lot more touching.





	Read Me Right

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt #: 132  
> Pairing: Do Kyungsoo/Kim Jongin  
> Rating: Explicit  
> Warning: None  
> Author’s note: Welcome dear reader, for an adventure in this world I created! It was supposed to be full of humor and naughty winks, but then my brain happened. Sorry, not sorry.  
> Anyway, I’ll start by thanking the lovely prompter. Whoever you are, let me love you!  
> A big thank you to my cute Muffin, too. Your feedback and support are incredible, and you put up with me every time I freak out. Which is a talent, really. So thank you!  
> And finally, thank you to the mods, for this amazing fest, and for being absolutely awesome! You rock!  
> Dear reader, I hope you enjoy!

“Wow, it looks nicer than in the pictures!” Kyungsoo says as he looks around, adjusting his heavy duffle bag on his shoulder when Jongin pushes the door open and reveals his new apartment.

“Yeah, rent is pretty expensive, but I fell in love with it, so…” Jongin answers with a bright smile.

“I understand why!” Kyungsoo nods with enthusiasm, eyes roaming on the interior.

The pictures Jongin sent him did not do justice to the charm of his new place. He did accompany the younger on his apartment hunt a few times, but he had been working the day Jongin visited this one, and Kyungsoo’s phone had been flooded with messages from his best friend, telling him he had found The One, and had signed the contract the same day, afraid someone else would take it before him.

_Of course you did. Always taking impulsive decisions._

Act first, think later, this seems to be Jongin’s motto. It had been problematic a good number of times, but usually brings more good than bad.

“Seriously, thanks again for letting me crash here for a few days. You’re saving my ass!” he says, dropping his bag on the carpeted floor for a moment to relieve his shoulder.

“Hey, don’t mention it. I have a spare room now, so it’s really no problem,” the younger says, waving his hand to dismiss Kyungsoo’s comment, “What happened, though?” he asks, yanking Kyungsoo’s suitcase inside the apartment and closing the door, “Your text was pretty vague.”

“Ugh, you know the couple who moved in the apartment above mine two weeks ago?”

“Loud-sex neighbors?” Jongin snorts, suitcase rolling behind him as he walks towards the small corridor further in the apartment, Kyungsoo on his heels.

“Yeah! Well, turns out they have a toddler, and he’s a Water-Bender. And let’s just say he doesn’t wet _only_ his diapers when he sleeps,” Kyungsoo starts, laughing when Jongin pretends to throw up, face twisted in disgust.

“Thanks for the mental image!”

“Water drips from his hands sometimes, from what they told me,” he explains, “Usually not much, but I don’t know, with the stress of moving to a new place or whatever, he ended up kinda flooding his room. And it started leaking through my ceiling this morning. A huge chunk of plaster fell, and man, the sound scared the shit out of me!”

_Forever lucky-me._

“Are you serious?!” Jongin exclaims, looking like he is trying his best not to crack as they enter what must be the guest room.

“Yeah, go ahead, laugh at me. You brat,” Kyungsoo teases, pushing Jongin on his shoulder, and sending the younger tumbling in the bedroom, almost tripping on the suitcase he is still holding, “But now they have to renovate my whole ceiling, since they can’t just fix the part that crashed down, from what I understood,” he sighs, rolling his eyes, “And it’s gonna be a mess, so here I am, homeless for a week!”

“Well, make yourself comfortable,” Jongin says, opening his arms as if to showcase the room, “Mi casa es tu casa!”

“Gracias,” Kyungsoo laughs in an equally broken accent, grabbing his suitcase from the younger’s hand, careful not to touch his skin.

They have known each other for quite some time now, almost nine years, but Kyungsoo is very keen on respecting Jongin’s privacy. At least his mind privacy, as much as it’s possible considering how much time they spend together.

There are different types of Mind-Readers. Some can enter in and out one’s mind just by looking at them. Others, like one of Kyungsoo’s friend, Luhan, must hold an object belonging to the person.  
Kyungsoo himself is what they call a Contact Reader, which basically means he needs to touch the person’s skin to read their thoughts.  
It is quite convenient. Useful, yet rarely overwhelming, and only a tad problematic during summer, where everyone is walking around with bare arms and prompt to bump into him.  
But as long as Kyungsoo is careful, there is really nothing to complain about. At least when he isn’t at work.

Jongin grew used to Kyungsoo backing away in reflex when their hands or arms are about to touch. He has always known about the elder’s power and never seemed to mind the instinctive reaction, himself tending to flinch away if Kyungsoo is distracted and forgets to. He also knows Kyungsoo has to frequently read pretty disturbing thoughts within the framework of his Polygrapher job, and didn’t say anything when the elder started shying away even more from any sort of skinship after he began working at the Law firm. He understood right away when Kyungsoo told him he had enough of diving into people’s head at work, despite him not being allowed to talk about it for confidentiality reasons.  
The elder is very thankful for his best friend’s thoughtfulness.

“Are there any rule I should be aware of, in this apartment?” Kyungsoo asks, opening the suitcase and starting to unpack, stacking clothes on the mattress.

“Not really,” Jongin replies in a casual tone, grabbing the pile of briefs from the bed and neatly placing them in the dresser, “You’re allowed to eat my cereals, now.”

“How generous of you!” Kyungsoo snorts, throwing one of his shirts on his best friend’s face, and earning a loud laugh in return, “Nothing else?”

_Better safe than sorry._

The chuckle dies in Jongin’s throat as he busies himself refolding the shirt against his chest.

“Well…maybe just…”

“Mmh?”

“Maybe tell me if you plan on…bringing someone? For the night, I mean…” Jongin says, briefly meeting Kyungsoo’s eyes with an expression the elder doesn’t quite get.

And it takes a few seconds for the words to register in the Kyungsoo’s mind.

“Who do you think I am?” he asks, acting fakely offended, before rolling his eyes, “Of course I won’t bring anyone. You’re already letting me crash here, I’m not _that_ rude!”

The words are pronounced in a light tone, but he is dead serious anyway.

“It’s okay, Hyung. You can,” Jongin shrugs, going back to the bed to grab the socks before tossing them in the dresser too, as if he was playing basketball, “Just…let me know. So I can wear earplugs. I don’t wanna hear you moan and be traumatized for life, you know,” he adds, teasing, and earning another playful shove from his best friend.

“Alright, fine. I’ll put a tie on the doorknob if it happens.”

Jongin laughs yet again and finally nods, closing the dresser.

“Wanna watch a movie?” the younger inquires a bit later as they finish washing the dishes of a meal Kyungsoo cooked.

“Depends,” Kyungsoo says enigmatically, “Am I gonna finally see what all the fuss is about?” he asks with a smirk.

Jongin is what they call an Illusioner. And it is a pretty tricky power, with a lot of different aspects Kyungsoo has yet to get familiar with, even after years of hanging around the younger. While he can dive inside people’s head, Jongin can bring what is in his mind and make it appear in front of him. But if Jongin looks at a picture, he is also able to create the illusion of the very scene in front of him.  
Lately, he has been working on applying this to movies, to make you see them as if you were _in_ the films, while being comfortably settled in your couch.  
Kyungsoo has been trying to have Jongin to show him, but his forever perfectionist best friend kept refusing, claiming he was not confident enough yet.  
However, Kyungsoo clearly recalls when the younger tried it with the first opus of the Resident Evil series, weeks ago. Poor Jongin phoned Kyungsoo in panic mode right after, and flinched at the slightest sound for days, from how scary it had been. He aced this power back then already.

Jongin still looks unsure, though, and Kyungsoo tilts his head, raising an eyebrow as he dries his hands.

“Okay… Let’s just avoid zombies,” the younger jokes with an exaggerated wince, “But don’t laugh if I mess up!”

“I won’t.”

“You promise?” Jongin asks like he has always done.

“Promise,” Kyungsoo automatically answers.

  
Three hours later, Kyungsoo is in complete awe as the illusion dissipates around them, the roll credit fading and now only visible on the television screen.

_Definitely worth the hours of practice he spent learning how to do this!_

The images were still a bit shaky and blurry every time Jongin flinched when something exploded in the movie, but overall, Kyungsoo had really felt like he was in the middle of the huge final battle.

“That was fucking amazing!” he exclaims with a huge smile, turning wide eyes towards the younger.

“I haven’t mastered it completely, but I’m getting there!” Jongin replies with a grin of his own, placing their empty popcorn bowl on the coffee table, “I still have to control how to change temperatures and elements. Like if it’s cold in the movie, or if the wind is blowing or the earth shaking, you know.”

“You could do that?” the elder asks, eyes widening, mind blown away.

“Technically, yes,” Jongin nods, “It’s a little complicated though, but that’s the goal!”

“Well, it’s pretty cool as it is, but if you manage to do that, I wanna be the first to try it with you!”

“Deal,” Jongin chuckles, bumping their shoulders together, their own version of a skinshipless high five.

 

✷✷

 

The whole week passes rapidly, and Kyungsoo is pleased to find out his own apartment would be soon ready for him to move back in, although he knows he is not really intruding. His best friend never minded having him stay at his place.

They have known each other long enough for Jongin to be completely open with him, and the elder never needs to purposefully use his power on him. Not that he would, but it can be quite frustrating when people insist on telling him they are fine, when he can clearly see they’re not.  
This is when his hands itch the most to just touch and _find out_.  
He never had this problem with his best friend, as he turned out to be sharing with Kyungsoo pretty much every thought that crossed his mind, even the weirdest ones.

And Kyungsoo admits this is probably why he, himself, opened up so quickly to Jongin too. He loves his power, he really does. But the absence of frustration and urge to find out what was going on in someone’s head was refreshing. It made him feel _normal_. Or as normal as one could be in a world like theirs, where eighty percent of the population has at least some sort of power.

Which is precisely why he feels so uncomfortable on the last day of his stay, when he hears unexpected sounds coming from Jongin’s room.

It is only six in the morning, and Jongin is still sleeping when Kyungsoo walks by his bedroom door, on his way to the bathroom to shower.

He pauses, leaning closer to the closed wooden door, but ends up opening it when he cannot decipher anything else than weird grunts.

Carefully walking in as silently as he can, he blinks to adjust to the darkness, until he can finally make out Jongin’s form under the thick cover.

“Jongin?” he whispers, taking a few more steps.

The younger is grumbling and frowning in his sleep and immediately, Kyungsoo wonders if he is having a nightmare.

“Please… Stop. I’ll… No, please.”

It sounds like Jongin is talking not only to someone but _with_ them, with the pauses between his words.

“No... Please I… Please…”

Kyungsoo sees Jongin’s hands grasp around air, as if he was holding onto something, and it is becoming frustrating for him not to know why the younger looks and sounds so bothered.

Yet, he doesn’t want to wake him up, since Jongin had a night shift at work and only came back home an hour earlier. But the crease between his brows is pronounced enough to have Kyungsoo frowning too.

“No… K-Kyungsoo, please… D-don’t…”

_What the hell?_

The elder’s curiosity is definitely picked, now. Is Jongin dreaming of _him_? Is he dreaming about Kyungsoo _hurting him_?

It doesn’t make any sense.

“Please, stop... I...”

On an impulse, Kyungsoo reaches out and places his fingertips on Jongin’s forearm.

A few seconds later, he withdraws his hand, eyebrows knitting even further close.

Jongin’s thoughts, albeit clearer, are a complete _mess_. All he sees is darkness, and all he hears is Jongin’s voice repeating the same things over and over again. Please’s and don’t’s, I can’t’s and No’s. But it is the last “I can’t handle it”, uttered in a whine, that has Kyungsoo detaching himself.

_What on earth is happening?_

Chewing the inside of his cheek worryingly when Jongin releases a broken sob, Kyungsoo tries to think fast.

Maybe this the occasion to test out that new branch of his power he has been trying to learn for almost eight months, now.

Leaping into someone’s dream is pretty complicated, requiring to create an immaterial version of yourself if you want to be able to walk around. Mind-readers usually spend years mastering it. From what he read in archives and heard from Luhan, it can get quite messy if not done properly.  
The first rule is to remain invisible, and Kyungsoo will never forget the tale of his friend popping into his crush’s dream, inadvertently messing up. The girl had been so freaked out to see Luhan’s head floating in front of her that she had woken up, screaming like a banshee - which was quite ironic, since she was a Seer and had predicted people’s death occasionally.  
The incident had not only crushed any hope of a possible relationship, but also earned Luhan an appropriate nickname.  
However, as funny as it had been to tease his friend and call him The Creeper for months, Kyungsoo is not too keen on going through the same experience.

Jongin suddenly gasps, hands clenching in fists, hard enough to have his knuckles turning pale, and eventually, Kyungsoo makes up his mind and kneels beside the bed. Better make himself comfortable.

_Step one, enters the person’s mind._

He gently lays the palm of his hand on Jongin’s wrist, immediately getting assaulted by the chaotic thoughts once more. They still don’t make more sense than they did earlier.

_Step two, listen and aim all your attention on the thoughts._

Nothing has changed, all he can hear is a litany of whiny pleads as everything remains dark. Jongin must have closed his eyes in his nightmare.

_Step three, channel your energy._

Kyungsoo breathes in and out, deeply, until he can feel his core warming and visualizes the essence of his power glowing inside him. A few more seconds and he has gathered it in his center, holding it secure and steady.

_Step four, release it, and Leap._

As if opening a door, Kyungsoo unlock his mental hold, and the glow surges up and along his arm, reaching his hand half a second later, and before he knows it, he is standing in a dimly lit room, somehow resembling the one he was in, just a moment before.

His eyesight has never been the best, and it takes him longer than it should to situate himself.  
It is less furnished than it is in reality, but he can now unmistakably affirm he is in Jongin’s bedroom.

And as the thought crosses his mind, he gets confirmation when he hears a long and husky moan coming from the very bed Jongin is lying on, outside of this dream world.

If Kyungsoo has to be honest, he can’t really say what he was expecting to find in here.  
But he can tell _this_ is _not_ it.  
Definitely, one hundred percent _not it_.

“Holy fuck…” he whispers in a strangled breath, eyes widening.

Right in front of him, lying naked on the bed covers, are Jongin and _himself_. And from what he can see in the dusky light, his dream-self is _not_ hurting Jongin. Quite the contrary.

His tongue is leisurely running up Jongin’s shaft, flat against a protruding vein, before pausing to place a feather-like kiss on the angry red and leaking tip, earning an imploring whine from the younger.

“Kyungsoo... Hyung, please,” Jongin begs, bucking his hips upward, and it is only then, when Kyungsoo’s eyes shift from his own face to look at Jongin, that he notices the younger’s hands are tied, above his head, restrained with what looks like a belt looped a few times around his wrists.

“I told you not to move, Jongin,” dream-Kyungsoo says in a threatening yet honeyed tone.

Nothing is registering in Kyungsoo’s mind as he watches his own palm spread lube on his thick member and positioning it before Jongin’s entrance. Except vaguely wondering _how_ did Jongin get all the details right.

He sees himself push forward, pace agonizingly slow, until he is fully sheltered in, thighs against Jongin’s round asscheeks and lower stomach pressing on the base of the younger’s cock. Then, bending his elbows, he leans down, mouth brushing Jongin’s ear, and it is only because the room is silent that Kyungsoo hears his own voice.

“From now on, I don’t want you to make a sound,” he orders in a shudder, “If I hear anything other than your breaths, I’ll stop altogether, leaving you all hot and bothered, unable to touch yourself while I finish myself next to you. Am I clear?”

His dream-self voice is shaking, as if it was taking all his self-control not to move, but he speaks in lascivious tones and Kyungsoo blanks.

_What. The. Hell?_

Under him, Jongin’s body noticeably trembles, and Kyungsoo can _feel_ how the words, added to the feeling of _Kyungsoo_ filling him so perfectly, are making him dizzy. It seems to take a few seconds for the meaning to reach Jongin’s brain, but one too much, apparently, and dream-Kyungsoo’s hand suddenly grabs the younger’s chin and turns his head to the opposite side so he can have better access to Jongin’s ear, giving a quick bite on his lobe.

“I said, am I clear?” he repeats pushing his pelvis just a little further in, brushing ever so slightly against Jongin’s prostate, as if he knows exactly the right angle.

Kyungsoo can _feel it_. He is in Jongin’s head, right now, and he can fucking _feel himself inside_.  
As best as he can, and despite his face being hindered by Kyungsoo’s grip, Jongin nods.

“Good,” his dream-self says in a deep voice, clearly pleased.

He draws back at the same excruciating pace, and Kyungsoo can hear in his mind that Jongin expects him to keep teasing like that for a bit longer, bracing himself not to let out the whines contained in his throat.

But then, _Kyungsoo_ gives a powerful thrust, skin colliding in a harsh sound, forcing a startled groan out of Jongin’s mouth.  
Instantly, the grasp on his chin tightens, and again, Kyungsoo can feel the pressure on his own jaw, as if he was the one being manhandled. He can also feel how much the younger _likes it._

“What did I say, Jongin?” the elder scolds between clenched teeth, pressing his chest even more on Jongin’s sweaty skin, deliciously clamping the younger’s hardness between their tensing stomachs.

Jongin squeezes his eyes shut and nods once more, hoping it will be enough to make Kyungsoo understand.  
The dream version of the elder remains still for a few seconds, as if to make sure Jongin will not disobey, before withdrawing swiftly and ramming inside just as strongly as he did before.

From then on, Jongin faces a battle with his own body. His heart is racing, pounding against his rib cage, faster with each stab.  
Jongin can feel everything. _Kyungsoo_ is everywhere, inside and around.  
He feels the elder’s foreskin rolling against his walls, the moist and warm air hitting the side of his neck, the glide of the Kyungsoo’s stomach against his own boner, the vice-like grip of strong fingers on his jaw.  
He hears the pants against his ear, the loud bang of their skin each time Kyungsoo sinks back inside him, the wet sound of his lubed cock going back and forth. He smells sweat and aftershave with each inhales, he tastes blood when his teeth break the skin of his lips in an attempt to keep the moans blocked in.

And real-Kyungsoo _feels with him_.

He stares, eyes wide open, trying to comprehend what is happening in front of him. But then, a blink later, the setting has changed, as it often randomly does in dreams, and he is watching himself on all four, his best friend kneeled behind him, relentlessly plunging in and out, body rolling and skin clapping ferociously. One of the younger’s hands is holding Kyungsoo’s hip, the other on his lower back bent before him, nails scratching the thin and sweaty skin and drawing tiny beads of blood to the surface.

And Kyungsoo can feel his own skin under his, _Jongin’_ s, fingertips.

His dream-self is moaning louder than he recalls ever doing in real life, and it is turning Jongin on _so much_. Except he is in Jongin’s mind. And he is, therefore, getting turned on by his own grunts, and this is way, _way_ too weird for him to handle.

Jongin’s power must be playing a big role in how _real_ his dreams look. He even got Kyungsoo’s birthmark in its exact shape, right on the small of his back.

_How the fuck…?_

He needs to exit his best friend’s head. _Right now_.

 

But when he closes his eyes, trying to tune out the indecent mewls, he then realizes he might have focused a tad too much on how to Leap _in,_ and not enough on how to _get the fuck out_.  
Which means, unfortunately, that he will need to wait until Jongin wakes up. And the man is going to find him kneeling near his bed, a palm on his arm. And most likely with a boner.

_Great. Absolutely great._

When he feels something shift in his own body, his eyes shoot open, and just like he thought, the setting has changed again. His dream-version is back on top of the younger, except Jongin’s hands are not tied, but settled on Kyungsoo’s ass, pulling him down in an exquisitely slow tempo as he pushes his own hips up, shameless groans echoing in the room.

This is getting worse and worse, and Kyungsoo wants to look away, but he finds that he _cannot_ avert his eyes from the sinful scene.

Dream-Kyungsoo leaves slow kisses on a path up Jongin’s neck, nipping the golden skin, until he is hovering above the younger’s lips, and Kyungsoo watches as Jongin lifts his head and meets him halfway.

The kiss is as languid and intense as the way their bodies move, tongues tasting each other unhurriedly, and real-Kyungsoo lets out a shaky breath, feeling hot all over.

_This is bad. This is **really** bad!_

When their mouths finally part, they remain only a breath away, and he gasps when he hears himself.

“I love you, you know that, right?”

Jongin nods, before kissing him again and Kyungsoo’s hands slide under his head, elbow still propped on the mattress, as if to prevent Jongin from hurting his neck just as much as for the sole purpose of tangling his fingers in the younger’s damp hair.

Kyungsoo can see himself thrusting deeply inside Jongin, he can hear his own heated voice, although it sounds foreign, as always when he hears it through someone else’s mind.

But it is still _Jongin’_ s thoughts that are running through his head. It is what Jongin _feels_ that he feels too. And more than the physical pleasure, there is this overwhelming happiness surging in the younger’s mind when his imaginary-self pronounces those words.

This is all too surreal, and he knows dreams are not supposed to make sense, knows pornographic dreams in particular rarely does, but didn’t Freud say dreams are some sort of manifestations of one’s deepest anxieties or _desires_?

Where does that leave him, then? Is real-Jongin afraid Kyungsoo could be in love with him?

Or does he _want_ Kyungsoo to be in love with him?

Does he want Kyungsoo to _fuck him_?

_What the hell is happening?_

And why is Kyungsoo, the real one, _not opposed_ to the idea?

Before he has the chance to answer his own questions, the setting changes again. Jongin’s hands are back above his head, tied, and dream-Kyungsoo is picking up his pace even more.

He can see, but also feel his best friend rapidly fleeting towards the edge, ultimate bliss so near his whole body is writhing, almost convulsing under the merciless assault.

In a heartbeat, Kyungsoo’s dream-version is pushing his body up, releasing Jongin’s chin to grab the back of the younger’s thighs as he kneels on the bed, still fully crammed inside Jongin. He aggressively pulls Jongin’s body to him, securing his legs on his own hips, before pistoning yet again, unrelenting pace speeding up with urgency as he lets out a feral growl, chasing after his own release.

The loss of the pressure against his cock almost makes Jongin whine, but he catches the sound right before it passes his throat. He is so close, so, _so_ close. He cannot screw up now.

Kyungsoo can feel the tension in his own guts, the scorching pleasure firing up, up, _up_ , running through his whole body, setting his blood ablaze in sync with what Jongin is experiencing.

Bitten-nailed fingers are suddenly wrapped around Jongin’s shaft, just as dream-Kyungsoo angles his thrust a bit higher, and it takes every last bit of control Jongin has in him to stop the shout threatening to come out.

Insatiably abusing the younger’s prostate, his imaginary-self keeps ferociously pounding, the sound of their skin colliding almost vulgar coupled with his deep moans.

And Kyungsoo can see the end, can feel Jongin tipping over the edge, bliss so near he can taste it. But then his dream-self starts jerking the younger’s dick, and it is all too much. Everything is too intense, to electrifying, and, losing his mind, Jongin lets a delirious sob pass the barrier of his lips.  
A second later, dream-Kyungsoo has pulled away and started yanking his own cock, leaving Jongin’s body empty and cold right as his orgasm hits him.

The younger long and broken cry echoes in the room as his hips sputter, member twitching as strings of milky cum lands on his sweaty stomach, and Kyungsoo _feels_ the agonizing frustration, mixing with the pleasure and twisting his insides.

_What the fuck? Who does that?!_

Without even climaxing himself, he is still just as out of breath as Jongin is, feeling so empty, satiated yet left wanting so much more that it is physically painful.  
His dream-self finally reaches his end with a low growl, cum splashing Jongin’s cock and inner thighs.

In a blink, and before Kyungsoo has the time to catch his breath, the scene changes again and Jongin is back behind the dream version of the elder, fiercely pounding with fingers still gripping Kyungsoo’s hip hard enough to bruise. His free hand is now lying flat on Kyungsoo’s spine, running up slowly, before he starts leaning down until his chest is pressed against the elder’s back, placing open-mouthed kisses on his nape and lapping at the sweat gathered here like a shimmering veil.  
Under him, Kyungsoo moans at the new angle, and one of his hands leaves the mattress to grab Jongin hair as the man now nibbles his shoulder. The younger moans back when fingers tug at his locks, and his thrusts turn deeper, slow but still powerful, hitting dead on the spot he aims for every single time.

It is a weird thing, Kyungsoo thinks for a few fleeting seconds, to see himself like that.  
Whenever he has sex with someone, the skin contact is most of the time really useful. He is able to bring his partner to bliss pretty easily, since he basically _knows_ what they want, need, exactly as the thoughts cross their mind.

But never once had he slept with someone like Jongin.  
Even if it is a dream, the man is not thinking only about _himself_ , like so many of Kyungsoo’s past partners were, using his power for their own pleasure. From what he hears in Jongin’s mind, the younger is solely focused on _Kyungsoo_ ’s pleasure.

_You really are different, huh?_

As his imaginary-self’s grip tighten in Jongin’s hair, Kyungsoo takes another moment to look at his best friend. Disheveled hair, entire body flushed and skin glistening as he arches his back. He looks mesmerizing, in a strange, vibrant and almost hypnotic way that has probably everything to do with all this being a dream.  
But then, the younger’s thoughts are taking over, and he can hear Jongin’s internal bliss, and how, despite the intense situation, there is still this joy, this feeling of safety, this sense of finally having Kyungsoo so close, here, in his arms, knowing _he_ is the one drawing all those beautiful sounds out of his lips.

The elder watches his dream-version push his ass up to meet Jongin’s hips with a long and hoarse groan, and it is seriously weird to be so turned on by his own grunts, but he is in Jongin’s head, and Jongin _really likes that_. He is flooded with thoughts about how beautiful and breathtaking Kyungsoo looks, right at that moment.

“Arms back on the bed,” Jongin breathes out, and Kyungsoo watches himself complies immediately.

Now that the elder is balanced, Jongin places his whole weight on him, chest completely pressed against Kyungsoo’s spine. His hand leaves his hip, clenching around dream-Kyungsoo’s cock and jerking him in rhythm with his own thrusts, and the elder doesn’t seem to know if he would rather push forward in the hand or push back to send Jongin’s dick even deeper. At the same moment, Jongin’s free hand curls around the elder’s waist in a possessive hold, keeping them incredibly close as he dives in again and again.

They’re both loudly moaning each other’s names repeatedly, and Kyungsoo can feel his own wall pulsing around his, _Jongin_ ’s cock, and how much the younger is enjoying it.

_Help._

The setting changes again, Kyungsoo is back on top, slowly pushing inside Jongin’s inviting hole, their lips still attached as the younger keeps pressing his palm on Kyungsoo’s ass to have him plunging deeper and deeper.

“I love you too,” Jongin whispers when they part, “So, _so_ much.”

From his best friend’s mind, real-Kyungsoo feels the sincerity in these words rushing through his own head, leaving him trembling as he stands, eyes glued to the bodies languidly moving against each other.

Jongin’s hands are moving up, arms capturing Kyungsoo’s waist in a tight embrace, as if having them hindered in one part of his dream had frustrated him enough to _need_ to hold Kyungsoo in the two others.

Suddenly the room shifts and the sun is shining warmly through thick windows on Kyungsoo’s right. He squints, trying to adjust to the unexpected brightness surrounding him, and between his lashes, he sees Jongin passing a doorway and slaloming between desks. A classroom.

 ** _The_** _classroom._

The very one that witnessed their first meeting, almost a decade ago.

Kyungsoo can see himself crouched on the ground, carefully arranging his books in his backpack. He hears Jongin’s thoughts, the old R’n’B song he is singing in his mind, unaware of the elder’s hidden form behind the next desk.  
Two steps later, he finally sees him, but it is too late. And just as Kyungsoo recalls, only from a different point of view, Jongin stumbles, trying to avoid stepping on the elder’s foot, trips and then falls flat on Kyungsoo with a mat thud.  
And despite feeling the younger’s pain, and vaguely remembering his own, Kyungsoo cannot help but laugh as a sixteen-year-old Jongin scurries away on his knees, chanting apologies like a mantra as he repeatedly bows to his future best friend.

In a disorienting flash, Kyungsoo is back in the dark bedroom, seeing himself lying on top of Jongin, his thrusts still deep and slow as he breathes against the younger’s lips. The relief of the previous casual scene is gone in the blink of an eye and the overwhelming pleasure boiling in Jongin’s veins is back coursing in his own.

“Since the first time I saw you,” Jongin exhales in a low voice right before a moan escapes his throat at a stronger push of Kyungsoo’s pelvis.

“I know,” the dream version of Kyungsoo answers, just as quietly.

_What?_

The classroom flashes around him once more, the surge of bright light hurting his eyes, but he focuses on Jongin’s thoughts, feeling his pulse fasten when the younger version of dream-Kyungsoo finally turns and look at him.

“I’m so sorry,” teenager-Jongin says rapidly, “Baekhyun hyung asked me to come in his classroom to grab his wallet ‘cause he forgot to take it before going out for lunch and I didn’t see you. I’m so, so, so sorry! Did I hurt you? Oh my god, I did, didn’t I?”

The words almost mingle in his mouth as he tries to speak too quickly. But Kyungsoo can only focus on what is going on inside his best friend’s mind. Thought are rushing just as swiftly, except it is an endless repetition of the same sentence. “Oh god, he’s beautiful,” on and on, without any pause.

“You’re so beautiful,” Jongin murmurs, and Kyungsoo realizes he is back in Jongin’s bedroom, and Jongin is still draped over Kyungsoo’s back, pushing forcefully as he holds Kyungsoo oh so tightly, forehead pressed against the elder’s nape.

“So beautiful,” dream-Kyungsoo exhales against Jongin’s lips, voice wavering as the setting has changed again and he plunges as deep as possible inside the younger, their heavy breaths colliding as Jongin arches his back and tighten his arms around Kyungsoo’s back.

Everything is mixing in Kyungsoo’s mind. It is all too much, and Jongin’s thoughts, his feelings, his pleasure, his _affection_ are all colliding and overwhelming the Mind-Reader, to the point where he has to force himself to close his eyes.

“I’m Do Kyungsoo,” he hears himself say, and he knows his old self is still kneeling on the classroom floor, hands fidgeting on his lap, hesitant to reach out and shake Jongin’s outstretched hand.

“Are you sure I didn’t hurt you?”

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

“You promise?” Jongin asks, just like he did that very first time.

 _Promise_ , Kyungsoo thinks.

“Promise,” Kyungsoo’s dream, or rather _memory_ version answers right away too.

“Don’t ever leave me,” Jongin’s voice says, and the sudden fear in his mind, in _Jongin_ ’s mind, has Kyungsoo’s eyelids fluttering open to see the younger laying under his imaginary-self on the bed.

“I won’t,” he watches himself answer in a shuddering breath.

“You promise?” Jongin asks, as he has always done since that very first time.

“Promise,” dream-Kyungsoo automatically answers, and real-Kyungsoo feels right away an overpowering happiness invading his body at it courses through the younger’s, the sob Jongin holds back almost coming involuntarily out of his own lips.

A slight shift later, the scene has changed again, and Jongin is climaxing, sheltering himself deep inside Kyungsoo, long ardent moan muffled between the elder’s shoulder blades as Kyungsoo cries out under him, pushing his hips back as he cums all over the bedsheets, Jongin’s hand still wrapped around his shaft.

Standing there, Kyungsoo _cannot_ do anything but watch, his own body trembling in sync with Jongin’s, and it is only because he knows this is a dream, that he can force his legs not to give out.

But then, the setting is back to the third scene, and Kyungsoo has to helplessly watch Jongin’s back arch beautifully under his own body, exposing his throat that his dream-self instantly kisses, teeth scraping against the sweaty skin before suddenly biting in the crook of Jongin’s neck.

Jongin’s cries and sobs all at once, from pleasure, or from pain, Kyungsoo is not sure, but probably from both, as his dream-self’s own groan gets quietened by Jongin’s shoulder. He can still feel the grumble against his, or _Jongin_ ’s chest, adding more sensation to the mind-shattering orgasm hitting them both.

The next second, Kyungsoo is drawn back to reality as Jongin wakes up in a jolt, and he jerks away, losing his balance and tumbling backward, from his knees to his butt with a thud.

The sound of both their pants filling the dark and silent room.

_Fuck._

“H-hyung? What are you doing here?” the younger asks when he realizes Kyungsoo is there, panic and surprise fighting to take over his tone as he tries to subtly make sure his blanket covers his crotch.

_Fuckfuckfuck._

Kyungsoo has a good idea of what exactly lies under the comforter, but now is not the time to think about how glorious Jongin’s naked body looked, both under and above his own. He needs to think fast. He _cannot_ let Jongin know he witnessed everything.

“Uh...you were...you seemed to be having a nightmare. I was just… I was gonna wake you up,” he says, angling himself to make sure his own obvious boner is not visible.

“Did you… Did you _touch me_?”

With the way Jongin look at his bare arm, Kyungsoo knows he means ‘touch’ as in ‘touch and mind-read’. And his mind helpfully provides some parts of Jongin’s dream, just in case.

_Clearly, I did!_

“No,” he says instead, “I mean, I tried shaking you awake, but your thoughts were a mess, I couldn’t understand anything,” he quickly answers, wanting to save the younger from the inevitable embarrassment that would come with the truth.

And technically, he is not lying. He _did_ find Jongin’s mind quite chaotic when he tried to read him at first. Or that is how he tries to convince himself to ease the guilt of his lie.

He, however, takes a second to thank the Earth for not giving Jongin the ability to detect lies.  
His own mother had been blessed – her words, not his – with that power, and it had been a real pain in the ass back when Kyungsoo was a teenager. She could even force you to tell the truth with one look. Quite bothersome when you’re a seventeen-year-old uttering out “I was jerking off while watching porn” instead of the “I was working on my History paper” you had planned and rehearsed.

Fortunately, Jongin remains clueless about Kyungsoo’s lie, and the elder ends up quickly excusing himself as he stands, before rushing out the room on wobbly legs.

His best friend is fucking _in love with him_.

 _Fuck my life_.

 

✷✷

 

All morning, Kyungsoo cannot focus on his work, the images from Jongin’s dream replaying in a loop in his mind, despite him trying his best to block them out. When his lunch break finally arrives, he rushes out of his office building and swiftly makes his way to Luhan’s apartment.

His knocks are frantic, and his fist nearly punches Luhan when the man opens the door in one quick movement.

“What the fuck?” his friend grumbles, rubbing his eye with the palm of his hand, “Kyungsoo?”

Kyungsoo doesn’t wait to be invited in before he surges forward, entering the living room.

“Hyung, I need help,” he says, tone serious, and Luhan seems to feel the tension, closing the door and joining the younger on the couch.

“Are you okay?” he asks with a frown.

“No! What do you usually do when you accidentally, not so accidentally, read someone’s mind and what you find is not only really unexpected, but also really, _really_ embarrassing?”

“What, did you touch your colleague while she was thinking about having sex with your boss again?”

“Hyung!”

“Okay, okay, relax,” the elder tries to calm him, “Tell me what happened so I can understand. Cause you look freaked out of your mind.”

“I am!” Kyungsoo whines, slumping on the couch’s backrest, “It’s… It’s Jongin…”

“Of course it is,” Luhan snickers, clearing his throat when Kyungsoo sends him a glare, “What did the kid do this time?”

“Nothing. It’s-... He-...” Kyungsoo sighs, closing his eyes for a few seconds, but reopening them right after when the images of Jongin’s dream flood yet again behind his eyelids, “You know how I was working on Dream-Leaping?” he asks, and Luhan nods, “Well, this morning… He… He looked like he was having a nightmare and… I mean he said my name in his sleep and I just-...”

“Oh god…” Luhan breathes, eyes widening as he seems to put the pieces together, “You tried to leap in _his_ dream…”

“Yes…”

“Did it work?” Luhan then asks excitedly, looking positively _thrilled_ when Kyungsoo gives him a small nod.

“But I shouldn’t have, Hyung! Fuck,” Kyungsoo groans, covering his eyes with his hands.

He hears Luhan cover a chuckle with a cough before the elder nudges his side.

“So, what did you see?”

“Definitely not a nightmare…” he mumbles, and this time, Luhan laughs out loud.

_This is **so** not funny._

Eventually, he gives some snippets of what he saw in the dream, keeping the rated parts at a no-detail-whatsoever level of description, despite Luhan trying to probe, nudging him constantly with a hand on his upper arm. He does share the part where his dream-self confessed his love, and Jongin’s reciprocating answer, as well as the fact that the younger seemed to have felt something since the day they met. Whatever that something was, back then.

By the time he finishes, he is feeling even more agitated.

_This is **bad**._

“I don’t know what to do… How am I supposed to-...” he starts, cutting himself, not even sure what he is trying to say, “I just-... Hyung, what do I do?!!”

“I don’t get why you’re so troubled…” Luhan answers with a confused frown, “If anything, I thought you’d see that as a good thing…”

“How is it a good thing?!” Kyungsoo exclaims, eyes widening.

“Don’t you have a crush on him?” the elder asks, looking even further puzzled.

“What? No!”

“But you used to...right?”

“I.… Yeah,” Kyungsoo hesitantly admits, “But that was long ago! I just...he wasn’t interested, so I moved on!”

“Clearly he _was_!” Luhan sneers, trying to hide his smile as soon as Kyungsoo glares at him.

“He didn’t _seem_ to be, back then.”

Once again, Luhan frowns, expression turning suspicious.

“And how exactly did you come to that conclusion?” he inquires with a squint.

“I...uhm…”

“Oh god, you _read_ him!” he shouts, pointing his fingers at Kyungsoo, looking both amused and ready to scold the younger.

“I...”

“You’re such a hypocrite!” he laughs, “Always lecturing me and talking about respecting people’s privacy! But you _read_ him! _On purpose_!”

“It was just a couple of times!!!” Kyungsoo tries to defend himself, realizing a second too late that he just made things worse when the elder laughs even louder.

 _Shit_.

“I can’t believe you did that!”

“I was nineteen! I just wanted to see if I had a chance...” he tries once more, dropping his eyes.

It has been a long time, years really, since he thought about it. But he still remembers how dejected he felt, back then, when he discovered all Jongin was thinking in Kyungsoo’s presence never had anything to do with his best friend.  
When they were together, the young Illusioner was all Kyungsoo was thinking of. So, of course, he had been really bummed out when he realized it was not mutual.

He eventually moved on and left that stupid little crush behind him. Jongin didn’t have to know, that would have ruined everything between them, and he did not want his best friend to start feeling awkward around him.

Years after, he can confidently affirm it is all in the past, and their friendship thankfully never changed.

Or so he thought. Until this morning.

And Kyungsoo has no idea how to process that.

“I think you should talk to him,” Luhan provides, and Kyungsoo’s eyes shoot up to look at his friend’s pensive expression.

“What? Are you crazy?” he gasps, “No no no no!”

“Why not?”

“I don’t wanna make things _weird_!” he states, not understanding how Luhan cannot see how big of a disaster that could be.

“But maybe it was just a dream, and he feels nothing for you,” the elder states with a shrug and Kyungsoo stares at him, putting on his best ‘ _Are you kidding me?_ ’ front, “Okay, maybe not,” Luhan continues, chuckling, “But you can’t just do nothing…”

“Well, I sure am _not_ telling him!”

“What about trying to read him again? Not in his dream, but more like you did back when you tried to know if he liked you back.”

“No way! What if I find out that he _does_ like m-”

“Love,” Luhan corrects.

“Whatever, what if reading him confirms that?”

“Then it’s...good?” the elder tries.

“No it’s not! Hyung, for fuck’s sake!”

“Look, I don’t know what you want from me,” Luhan frustratingly sighs, “You come to ask me what you should do, but when I give you solutions, you reject them! I don’t know what to tell you!”

Head dropping down, Kyungsoo closes his eyes for a moment.

“I’m sorry,” he mutters eventually, “I know you’re trying to help. I just-...”

“It’s okay,” the elder reassures him, gently patting his back, “I’m sorry too for laughing. I didn’t realize you were so distressed by it.”

“I don’t wanna ruin everything,” Kyungsoo says, looking back up at his friend, “I really don’t wanna lose our friendship.”

_I **can’t** lose it._

“I’ve known you two for a long time now. I don’t think anything could break you apart,” Luhan softly smiles, earning a small grin from Kyungsoo, “Not even a rated dream... But… Ruined orgasm, though? Really, Kyungsoo?” he ends with an amused judging face.

And it takes a few seconds for Kyungsoo to realize. Luhan’s hand on his forearm. He was subtly touching his clothes at some point while Kyungsoo was thinking about the dream.

And that means he _saw_ everything.

Luhan’s shriek as Kyungsoo suddenly punches his arm probably echoes in the whole building, but the younger is nonetheless thankful to have a friend he can talk to at this moment. Even if it’s The Creeper.

_I guess I earned the same nickname today..._

 

✷✷

 

Ultimately, Kyungsoo decides he cannot avoid Jongin.

Alright, he did not exactly _decide_ it. It has more to do with the fact that his belongings are still at his best friend’s apartment, and he is not really keen on abandoning them. Although he considered the idea for a second, he admits. Plus, he went to check on the renovations at his own apartment, and the place was reeking paint so badly it made him cough. He opened all windows in hopes it would help to reduce the pungent smell during the night, because clearly, he could not imagine sleeping there.

Which is why he finds himself standing in front of Jongin’s door, staring at the wood as he tries to convince himself to get inside, mind reeling.

 _You’re gonna be fine Kyungsoo,_ he mentally tells himself, inside-voice sounding weaker than he would like.  
_Just go in there and act as usual. No big deal! Everything’s totally normal! Nothing out of the ordinary!_ he tries again, nodding to himself, _Just get in, and say hi to Jongin! Just like you did every day this week! Just like you **always** do! Easy peasy! _ he tells himself, shaking his shoulders to attempt relieving some of the tension in his muscles.  
_Okay, go inside now!_  
_Okay... **now**!_  
_Alright, let’s just… In five, four, three, two….one..._  
_Zero and a half…_  
_Fine, let’s start from ten instead. Yeah, ten is a good number! A one and a zero, so aesthetic! Like in binary code! Binary code is great too!_  
_Okay, **focus**! Ten! Nine! Eight! Sev-_

“Hyung?”

Barely containing a high-pitched yelp, Kyungsoo turns on his feet at lightning speed, and finds Jongin standing a couple meters away, grocery bags in hands.

“Why are you waiting in front of the door?” Jongin then asks, blinking at his best friend and looking utterly confused.

_Fuck. How long have you been here?!_

“Jongin! Hey! Hi! You-… Hi!”

_Great._

“Hi!” the younger greets back with a chuckle, “What’s wrong? Did you lose the spare key I gave you?”

“What? No?” Kyungsoo nervously answers, lifting the hand holding said key so Jongin can see it.

“Then why didn’t you get inside?” his best friend then asks, tilting his head, “You were staring at the door…”

“I uhm... I was... Just thinking! Yeah!”

 _Absolutely great_.

“Hyung, are you okay?” Jongin inquires, curious expression turning to a concerned one.

“Me? Yes! Of course! Everything’s fine! It’s great! Why would something be wrong?” Kyungsoo replies in one breath, feeling like his brain is both vibrating and melting.

 _So much for acting normal_.

“I don’t know… That’s why I’m asking…”

“No, no! Everything is absolutely fine! Nothing out of the ordinary!”

_Everything’s cool!  
Except that I saw us having sex in three different ways in one dream. **Your** dream. _

He is very aware his behavior is in total contradiction with his words, but bear with him, Jongin is standing right in front of him, and the last time he saw his best friend, they were both sporting a consequential boner after banging each other in the younger’s dream. And although Jongin doesn’t know Kyungsoo witnessed his fantasies, there is still the whole _I-love-you_ issue the elder is not ready to deal with yet.

Panic however floods his mind when he sees Jongin is still staring at him, but with squinted eyes, now.

_Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck._

“Hyung…”

“Y- Yes?”

To his horror, Jongin pauses, squinted eyes boring into Kyungsoo’s own.

_Shitshitshitshitshit._

“Did you drink too much coffee again?” the younger asks, raising an eyebrow.

“What?”

_What?_

_“_ It makes you all hyper and weird when you do… Like now.”

 _Praise the Lord. Bless Jongin. And all that jizz._  
_...jazz. All that jazz._

 _“_ Ah! Yeah! Coffee!” Kyungsoo frantically nods right away, not letting the opportunity pass, “Too much! At the office! Big, _big_ case!”

Once again, Jongin stays silent for a moment, before releasing a chuckle.

“Okay,” he nods back, “But you need to slow down, though. It’s not healthy for you to ingest so much caffeine.”

“Will do! Definitely!”

“Alright, uh… Can we go inside, now? Are you done thinking?”

_Thinking?_

“Thinking?”

“You said you were thinking… You were staring at the door?”

“Ah! Yeah, no, sure! I mean, yeah, let’s- Let’s go inside!”

With yet another giggle, and seeing Kyungsoo stays rooted on his spot, Jongin eventually moves to open the door.

Kyungsoo keeps his widened eyes locked on the floor as he follows his best friend inside.

He needs to fucking get a grip.

 _It’s just Jongin_ , he scolds himself, _You’ve known him for years! Just act normal, there’s no reason to make a big deal out of it! You’re going back home tomorrow! Just hold on until then!_

Right. He can do that. He just need to push everything back in a compartment of his mind and lock it there until he can think about it calmly.

Easy.

 _Fuck my life_.

 

✷✷

 

Somehow, he does make it through the evening without raising Jongin’s suspicion too much, and he even manages to get some much-welcomed sleep after pretending he is dead tired and needs to retire to bed early.

He wakes up feeling a lot more composed than he was the day before, and gets through a quick breakfast with his best friend, who has just returned from his work’s night shift, without acting too awkward.

_Fucking miracle._

He thanks Jongin once more for hosting him, and by the time the younger crashes in his bed, Kyungsoo is out the door with his suitcase, planning on quickly stopping by his apartment to drop his stuff before heading to work.

The two following weeks pass without any major mental breakdown on Kyungsoo’s part.  
They have lunch together a few times, go to see a movie, and even visit the animal shelter to see the newborn puppy Jongin plans to adopt as soon as it is weaned.

“She’s so cute I wanna eat her!” Jongin squeals excitedly and Kyungsoo can’t help but grin.

“I think that’d be counterproductive,” Kyungsoo sneers, “You can’t cuddle with her if you cook her...”

“I can’t wait to take her home! I need to find her a name!” the younger continues and Kyungsoo snorts, knowing how bad Jongin is to find names for pets, if his family’s poodles going by Wasabi, Pickles, and Thor are any indication.

In his defense, he was rather young when they adopted those dogs. However, he does not have any excuse for the cat named Poopie, since he was already a teenager when they got the kitten. Kyungsoo is still not sure why Jongin’s parents kept letting him name their animals, despite his obvious lack of skill in the matter.

“You’ll help me, right?” Jongin then asks, bringing back Kyungsoo from his memories.

“Sure.”

“You promise?”

“Promise.”

 

In appearance, nothing has changed, they are still just as close as they were, and seeing how Jongin remains oblivious of Kyungsoo’s little walk down porn-fantasy lane, the elder finds it easier to act as if nothing happened.

Except, the more Kyungsoo tries to act normally, the more he starts noticing small things he never paid much attention to, before. Like the way Jongin subtly backs away when their skin is about to touch.

Kyungsoo had always put that on account of Jongin being considerate and not wanting Kyungsoo to be overwhelmed by someone else's thoughts. But he is starting to see the behavior in a new light, now.

What if he had always done that because he _did not want_ Kyungsoo to read his mind?  
Because he had something to _hide_.

Kyungsoo tries to remember what was going on in his best friend’s thoughts, when they did actually inadvertently touch, but he can only recall random and odd stuff. And whenever he had brought it up, Jongin had always brushed off his questions with a laugh, telling him he knew he was weird.

Up until now, Kyungsoo had never questioned it. But the more he thinks about it, the more he realizes the pattern was always the same.

Right after the contact, he would always hear a sudden mess, followed by some peculiar thoughts. He always believed Jongin’s mind was just a bit special, maybe because of his power, and that his Mind-Reading ability needed a second of adaptation to make sense of the chaos. A second too much, since the contact was usually already gone by then.

But what if, all those times, Jongin had forced himself to suddenly think of something else, _anything else_ , when he realized they were touching? Because he did not want Kyungsoo to know what was really going on in his head. Because _Kyungsoo_ was what he was thinking about.

The day his mind draws this conclusion, he finds himself once again at Luhan’s place, blurting out the path of thoughts that led him to this, panicking on the couch when his friend eventually agrees with him. He goes home later that night with a headache. If he is right, there is definitely no way he can keep acting normally with Jongin anymore. And it pains him, even more than being now convinced his best friend is _in love_ with him.

 _\- Don’t ever leave me._  
_\- I won’t._  
_\- You promise?_  
_\- Promise._

It was a dream, Kyungsoo knows that. But something tells him this was a reflection of Jongin’s real thoughts.

He remembers how sad he felt, years ago, when he found out Jongin was not interested. Or at least he thought.

Has Jongin been hurting all along? Loving Kyungsoo but hiding it? And why? Why did he keep the secret all this time? Why did Kyungsoo not find out earlier? Why does he have to figure that out now, when he has moved on long ago?

The more he thinks about it, the more questions are raised. He has no idea what to do. What is he supposed to say? How is he supposed to act?

He doesn’t want to lie to his best friend. But he cannot see himself bringing this up. It would only hurt Jongin, to know he doesn’t stand a chance anymore. It would ruin their friendship.  
And Kyungsoo is too selfish to allow that. He cannot lose Jongin, not when the man is the only person Kyungsoo completely trusts. Not when Jongin has always been here for him, through thick and thin, since the moment they met. Not when Jongin was the one who consoled him when his father was diagnosed with a stage four cancer, stayed by his side as he watched his dad wither so quickly, held his hand at the funeral a few months later, sending him thoughts of comfort throughout the whole burial ceremony. Not when he was the one Kyungsoo would go to after a burdensome day at work, when hearing a witness talking about a murder in court and having to _see_ everything in their mind to make sure they were not lying was too much for him.  
Not when Jongin is the only one who understands him so perfectly, without Kyungsoo needing to say a word.

But that last statement, more than any other, hurts Kyungsoo. He was so sure it was entirely reciprocal, so sure he could read Jongin like an open book. How did he miss that? How could he not see the feelings piling up in his best friend’s heart? He used to think one look into Jongin’s eyes was all he needed to know how the younger was feeling.  
How did he not realize?

A part of him, the selfish one, wishes he could turn back time and never leap in Jongin’s dream, remaining ignorant to those feelings and keeping on with their lives just as it was before. But the simple thought of his best friend hurting for so long and for this very reason, has him shivering and berating himself. That wouldn’t be fair for Jongin, no matter how much it troubles Kyungsoo to know, now.

Yet, Kyungsoo cannot find in himself the courage to do anything. And as the days snail away, the feeling of being dishonest with the only person he can rely on eats him slowly.

 

✷✷

 

“Hyung?”

Kyungsoo’s head shoots to the side as he violently jerks away at the soft touch on his shoulder, immediate guilt flooding him when he sees Jongin’s hurt expression.

 _You’re wearing clothes, you moron,_ he scolds himself for flinching even though his sweater shields him from Jongin’s thoughts.

The younger’s eyes glance at the spot his fingertips brushed, before he swiftly settles for a smile.

How many times did he react like that without Kyungsoo noticing?

“Are you okay?” Jongin asks, a subtle frown still gliding on his face as he adjusts his position on Kyungsoo’s couch, closer to him, eyes falling back on the TV screen.

“Yeah, sure! Why?” Kyungsoo replies, trying to sound nonchalant as he subtly shuffles away from Jongin.

“You’ve seemed...preoccupied, lately,” the younger says, and the concern is clear in his voice, just as much as it is on the downcurve of his lips.

“Ah, it’s nothing,” Kyungsoo reassures him with a shake of his head, “I still have this complicated case going on at work,” he says, recycling the same excuse he has used for weeks, now, whenever Jongin’s concern resurfaces.

He hates it. He hates lying to him. But the fact that Jongin isn’t allowed to ask about the trials Kyungsoo is working on has become a blessing, nowadays. Kyungsoo knows he won’t probe for further information. He never did.

“You should rest, though,” Jongin says with a childish pout who still somehow doesn’t look ridiculous despite the man being twenty-six years old, “You work too hard, it’s not healthy.”

“You know I can’t take a break, they need me.”

 _This_ isn’t a lie, at least. Not really. He does have a few cases he is working on, in court as well as at the office, although none of them are as complicated as he keeps pretending.

“Yeah, yeah. Best Polygrapher in Seoul, I know,” Jongin sneers, using once more the title a newspaper had given him in an article about a pretty serious case, years ago.

Since Kyungsoo started working at the Law Firm, the younger has always liked to tease him about it. His jokes were endless, telling him he was making his mom proud, being a human lie detector, just like her, talking about how important his best friend was and fully bowing in pretend awe as if Kyungsoo was some kind of deity. And usually, Kyungsoo would reply with a witty comeback, or simply give a light punch on his best friend’s shoulder.

But lately, he has completely ceased any sort of physical contact with Jongin. And seeing how the younger finally loses interest for the Hidden Singer episode playing on the television, Kyungsoo knows he noticed the lack of playful retaliation.

“Hyung…”

“Mmh?”

Eyes still on the screen, Kyungsoo holds his breath.

“You would tell me if something was wrong, wouldn’t you?”

“Y-yeah, of course!” the elder replies, glancing at Jongin with a quick smile.

The knitted brows clearly prove Jongin isn’t done. And Kyungsoo already knows where this is going.

_Please, don’t ask._

“You promise?”

Kyungsoo hates lying to Jongin.

But he does. Once again.

“Promise...”

And Jongin’s adorable eyesmile has never been this painful to look at.

 

✷✷

 

Kyungsoo feels like he is going crazy. His mind is an endless loop of the same recycled thoughts. Again and again, whatever he does, wherever he is. They even come haunting him in his sleep.

How could he have been so oblivious? How did he not see Jongin’s feelings? Kyungsoo has always thought he was good at reading people, no pun intended. He usually didn’t even need his power to understand what was going on in people’s mind.

So how could he be so blind? How could he miss all the signs? It is so obvious, now that he knows.

He can see it in every gentle smile Jongin offers him, hear it in the softness of his voice, and notice it in the way the younger’s eyes follow him, an undeniable fondness lighting them when he thinks Kyungsoo isn’t looking.

It hurts so much, but it isn’t something he can just forget, no matter how much he wants to.

So he keeps pretending. For days, and then weeks. Waiting for something, anything, to help him figure out _what to do_. He pretends he doesn’t see it, he does his best to ignore the blatant affection seeping through every single one of Jongin’s pore.

He doesn’t always succeed, and knows that he sometimes flinches a tad too violently when he realizes Jongin is closer than he thought. But by some miracle, the younger’s suspicions seem to have disappeared. He is back to his cheerful self, with his weird jokes and carefree attitude, which both comfort Kyungsoo as well as make him feel even guiltier.

Again and again. The same thoughts keep obsessing him.

He hates it. He hates lying to Jongin, hates the unfairness of the situation, knowing Jongin must be hurting because of him, but not able to do anything about it. Any other person would have probably told the younger, by now. But Kyungsoo is selfish. And above all, he is scared.  
He is terrified of what could happen if he admits the truth to Jongin.

He is almost certain his best friend wouldn’t have been mad at him to know he leaped into his dream, if it had been any random dream.  
But this was not a random nor insignificant one.  
The more days pass, and the longer Kyungsoo keeps his secret, the worst the consequences will be if Jongin ever finds out. Which in turn, makes him even more afraid of admitting everything, stomach tightening every time the image of Jongin’s betrayed expression flashes behind his eyelids.

He feels like a jerk, and he most likely is one, but he cannot let him know. He cannot lose Jongin.

He tried to explain to Luhan when the elder called him the other night, but he only managed to confuse the man, and confuse himself even further when the elder told him his reaction seemed excessively dramatic and irrational. If he has to be honest, he isn’t even sure Luhan would understand, even if he let him read his mind.

Being in Jongin’s head had been overwhelming. And it had nothing to do with the dicking part of it all. Back then, all his attention had been focused on the actions, the way their body flowed against each other. The feelings were there, but Kyungsoo had been too shocked to really acknowledge it.

Now that time passed, and the intensity of the visions faded, all he is left with is the memory of those feelings.  
Kyungsoo _experienced_ what Jongin felt for him, every minute, every second during this dream, as if they were his own. Breathtakingly, mind-shatteringly coursing through every thought, running in his veins and under his skin. Jongin was in love with him. And it felt like nothing else mattered for the younger, as they touched each other. As if Kyungsoo was everything Jongin would ever want and need. As if the world could end and Jongin wouldn’t care, as long as he had Kyungsoo by his side.

And this, more than anything, is what truly paralyzes Kyungsoo with fear and keeps him from escaping his tortured thoughts. The thoughts that all this could still be real outside of the dream.

It is all too much, too surprising, and he has no idea how to handle knowing about it. He doesn’t know what to do to make everything right or what to say to Jongin. He doesn’t even know what to tell himself.

And slowly, while he thought he could go on pretending, he unconsciously started distancing himself from his best friend, only realizing it when he receives a call from Luhan, one rainy morning.

“Kyungsoo, what the hell are you doing?” the elder asks, irritation evident in his voice.

“What?”

“Jongin injured himself at work last night, because he was spacing out!”

“What?!!” Kyungsoo gasps, a wave of panic flooding his entire body, “Is he okay? What happened?”

“He’s fine. He fell and hit his forehead on a desk,” Luhan says, making Kyungsoo’s heart sink, “You know how head wounds bleed a lot. He kinda scared us all, but it wasn’t anything serious. The doctor said it’ll heal quickly as long as he rests properly,” he then explains sharply, “But that’s not the point! He’s been out of it for _weeks_! I tried to ask him what was wrong but he wouldn’t say anything!” the elder continues, clearly frustrated, “He had to get hurt to finally fucking spill the bean! And you know what he said?”

“W-what?” Kyungsoo stutters in a small voice.

“He told me he was worried about you! Because you haven’t answers his texts or his calls for more than a week! And the kid thinks he fucking did something wrong and that you’re mad at him!”

“I... He… No, he didn’t-...”

“I know he didn’t!” Luhan cuts him, “But I’m not the one you should be telling this to!” he then spits, now evident anger seeping through his words, “Get your shit together and _talk to him_!”

“I…”

“We’ve been friends for years, Kyungsoo. You know I care about you, and I want you to be happy,” the elder says, sounding suddenly exhausted, “I’m not sure what’s going on in your head, but you need to fix this. For you _and_ for him.”

“I’m scared…” Kyungsoo eventually breathes after a long silence, hearing Luhan tiredly sigh right after.

“I know,” the elder answers softly, “I know you are. But he is too. Except he has no idea why!”

“But if I tell him everything… if I tell him I know, he… Hyung, I don’t wanna lose him, I don’t wanna ruin everything.”

“Why would you lose him?” Luhan asks, no trace of his exasperation left in his voice, “It’s by leaving him in the dark that you might ruin everything, you know?”

“But if he does feel something for me… If he always did… I don’t wanna hurt him, Hyung. How am I supposed to stay friends with him, when I don’t reciprocate those feelings?”

For long seconds, all Kyungsoo can hear is Luhan’s breathing and his own heart pulsing in his ears as he waits anxiously. Until finally, the elder speaks.

“Kyungsoo… Do you _really_ not feel the same for him?” he asks cautiously, as if Kyungsoo was a lost child.

Another silence, and then Kyungsoo answers, sighing as his shoulders drop, and his vision gets blurry.

“No, I don’t,” he whispers, “Not the way he seems to feel about me,” he adds, shaking his head even if Luhan can’t see him, “I mean, yes, I used to have a crush on him...and maybe if I had known, back then, we could’ve tried. And maybe we would’ve worked out. But...things have changed.”

“You still could…”

“Maybe,” Kyungsoo says, sounding unconvinced even to his own ears, “But I really moved on. I fell in love with other people. I lived. I didn’t think about it since then. And Jongin... He has been beside me all this time...and he never said anything. He has even been in relationships too…”

“He didn’t know you liked-”

“That’s not the point, Hyung,” Kyungsoo cuts him, “He was there, and he saw me date people! Shit, I even used to tell him about the one night stands I’d have!” he says, panic rising in his mind when he recalls even giving _details_ to his best friend, “He might’ve been hurting all along! That’s not something I can just ignore, or forget!”

“But it’s not your fault!”

“It doesn’t change the fact that I hurt him! Even if it wasn’t voluntarily! And more importantly, it doesn’t change the fact that I _did_ move on! We’re not in a movie, Hyung! I won’t wake up one day and magically realize that deep down, I’ve been in love with him all this time, or whatever cliché you could find in chick flicks... It’s not-... It doesn’t work like that…”

The silence stretches after his little rant, for so long that he has to check the screen of his phone to see if the call was cut.

“Hyung?”

“Look,” Luhan finally says, “I know you won’t get those feelings back just by snapping your fingers. But you can’t let things deteriorate like that. He has _no idea_ of what is happening! Put yourself in his shoes for just a second, Kyungsoo. You _are_ already hurting him by not telling him.”

“I know!” Kyungsoo cries in a strangled voice, heart tightening at the mere thought.

“He thinks you’re mad at him, while you’re just being a scared fucking coward!”

“I _am_ scared! I’m fucking terrified!” Kyungsoo finally shouts in anger, bottled up emotions coming out without him being able to control it, “I’m terrified he will never look at me the same way if he knows I lied! I’m terrified everything will change the minute he realizes I can’t love him that way! What if he has silently been hoping this whole time? What if I tell him and he leaves, Hyung? What do I do, then? I can’t lose him! He’s the only one able to keep me going, on bad days! I can’t! I can’t lose him! I can’t!”

For a few more seconds, Kyungsoo keeps repeating the same words, his heart crying and his mind breaking down.

“There you go,” Luhan ends up saying, “Tell him exactly that. It might hurt him, but he deserves to know. And give him some credit, will you? He still is your best friend. He’ll understand.”

“But what if he doesn’t…?” he asks, voice hoarse before hearing yet another sigh.

“It’s still better than lying, Kyungsoo. He’s got the few next days off work, so go see him. Talk to him. Stop hiding.”

 

✷✷

 

Against better judgment, and fear crushing his guts, Kyungsoo still doesn’t plan on bringing the matter up when he visits Jongin, the next day.

It hurts to see the younger’s shocked expression when he opens the door and sees Kyungsoo standing there, holding grocery bags. Even more than seeing the wound dressing on Jongin’s temple, or the way he quickly shakes his head to cover the bandage with his bangs.

“H-hyung? What are you doing here?” he asks, looking both confused and somewhat apprehensive.

“Luhan told me about your head,” Kyungsoo says with a shrug, trying to sound nonchalant, “I thought you might need help, so…”

His sentence unfinished, Kyungsoo lifts his hands to show the plastic bags. When Jongin reaches out to grab one of them, Kyungsoo shakes his head.

“Don’t, it’s fine. You shouldn’t carry heavy stuff,” he says, forcing himself to pull out a convincing smile, “Can I come in?”

“Oh! Yeah, sure, sorry…” the younger quickly nods, eyes opening wide before he steps back to make was for Kyungsoo to walk in.

Immediately, Kyungsoo marches to the kitchen, efficiently stashing the food in the fridge and cupboards, knowing exactly how Jongin likes to organize everything.

“What did Luhan hyung tell you?” Jongin asks, and Kyungsoo visibly flinches, having not realized his best friend had followed him.

_Of course, he did, you moron. It’s his home…_

“Just that you fell and your head passionately kissed the desk,” he answers, trying to sound playfully teasing but losing his smile when Jongin looks at him seriously.

“Nothing else?” he asks, intense gaze riveted on Kyungsoo.

“He just said you were given a few days off work,” the elder lies, placing the last pack of pineapple juice box on the refrigerator’s higher shelf, “Why?”

For a reason Kyungsoo cannot pinpoint, Jongin keeps staring at him intently for a few seconds, before sighing.

 “No reason,” he replies, looking resigned as he averts his eyes, “I was just curious,” he shrugs.

“Mmh… Have you eaten already?” Kyungsoo then asks after a quick glance at the clock.

“Not yet.”

“Do you want me to cook lunch for you?”

“I don’t wanna bother you,” Jongin says, shaking his head, and Kyungsoo doesn’t like how forced his smile looks, “Aren’t you supposed to go back to work soon?”

“I took the afternoon off,” Kyungsoo says, shaking his head as he turns around to re-open the fridge’s door, not making eye contact, “How about some Dakjuk?” he then asks, staring at the chicken he bought earlier.

“I’m not sick, Hyung… ” he hears Jongin say with a small chuckle.

“Chicken porridge is good for healing in general,” Kyungsoo replies with a shrug, still not looking at his best friend.

_Please, just let me do this for you._

“Okay…” the younger finally agrees, “You’re staying, right? To eat with me?”

“Why? You need me to spoon-feed you?” Kyungsoo scoff, the habitual playfulness he has always had with Jongin coming out instinctively.

“W- what? No!” Jongin says in a wobbly voice, and when Kyungsoo looks at him, he suddenly looks so anxious it hurts.

Things are so awkward between them, Kyungsoo can’t help but selfishly wish once more he could go back in time and never leap in Jongin’s dream. The younger knows something is wrong, it’s evident in the way his eyes bulged out of their socket when he saw Kyungsoo at his door, or in the way he stands a few meters away, not even looking at Kyungsoo.  
And the more Kyungsoo stares at him, the more painful it gets.

_What am I supposed to do, Jongin?_

“You should go and rest while I get the food ready,” Kyungsoo suggests, “You look exhausted.”

“I’m okay, I can help…” Jongin assures, taking a few steps forward and opening the pot drawer, not stopping even when the elder shakes his head, expression serious.

“Jongin, no. You hit your _head_. You shouldn’t overwork yourself.”

“But-”

“Please…” Kyungsoo says, tone imploring enough that Jongin finally looks back at him, halting his movements, “That’s why I came,” he insists, keeping Jongin’s eyes locked with his own, “Let me do that for you…”

 _I’m sorry_ …

Kyungsoo is not sure what Jongin sees in his eyes, but to his relief, after a long silence, the younger eventually nods, slowly, tentatively.

“Alright, I’ll… I’ll be in the living room, then,” he consents, before turning around and exiting the kitchen.

A few seconds later, Kyungsoo hears the sound of the television turning on, and after a sigh, he grabs the chicken and gets to work.

 _I’m so sorry_.

Halfway through, he goes to check on his best friend, finding him dozing off in front of a documentary about polar bears, and smiles when he sees the younger shiver in his sleep. The hair on his tan arms are standing up, skin covered in goosebumps, so Kyungsoo makes his way to the nearest heater and turns it a little bit higher, knowing Jongin hates wearing thick clothes in the comfort of his home and stubbornly sticks with t-shirts, no matter how cold he is.

Kyungsoo is carefully pouring the fuming porridge in two deep plates, making sure to add some extra spoonful in the one he will give to his best friend, when he hears a quiet patting behind him.

Bare feet on the wooden floor and hair a mess, Jongin stands in the doorway, rubbing one eye with the back of his fingers. He looks so tired, with the mark of the cushion’s stitching embedded on his cheek, that Kyungsoo can’t help but softly, yet sadly grin at him, heart both hurting and swelling.

“You okay?” he gently asks when Jongin winces as his knuckles accidentally brush his bandaged temple.

“Mmh… I fell asleep…” the younger drowsily states, blinking repeatedly.

“Are you still cold?” Kyungsoo then asks, fighting back another bittersweet smile when he sees him looking lost and confused for a few seconds.

“I... No, I’m…”

“Jongin?”

Like in slow motion, Kyungsoo watches Jongin’s body sway alarmingly, before he tips over, knees buckling under his weight. In a heartbeat, the elder is by his side, reaching out to catch him before he touches the ground. But before he knows it, Jongin jerks away violently, a hand colliding against Kyungsoo’s chest to push him away, and a second later, they are both crashing on the ground, a meter away from each other.

“Shit! Are you okay?!!” Kyungsoo panics, instantly getting on his knees and crawling towards Jongin.

Without even a second thought, his hands reach for Jongin’s bare arms, mind reeling at the view of his distressed expression. He doesn’t even care about the skin contact, Jongin is in pain, and nothing matters more than making sure he is fine.

“Don’t!!!” Jongin suddenly shouts, making the elder jump, fingers stopping a mere centimeter away from his wrists.

“Jongin…”

“Please, don’t,” the younger says, voice only above a whisper.

If Kyungsoo thought seeing Jongin be physically in pain was the worst, it is nothing compared to that instant, as he helplessly watches tears welling up in his best friend’s eyes.

_You don’t want me to touch you..._

Repeating his name in a voice just as broken as his heart is at the realization, Kyungsoo stays completely still as Jongin slides a little bit backward.

 _Away_.

“Jongin, I-”

“I know,” the younger interrupts him.

“You… What?” Kyungsoo asks, disoriented, hurt still swarming his mind.

“I know...that you know… That you _saw,_ ” Jongin ends in a breath, shutting his eyes, and Kyungsoo’s heart misses a beat.

“Wh-what? How?” he asks, voice barely audible in the now silent apartment.

“Luhan hyung. He called me last night.”

Completely frozen, blank mind and hollow heart, Kyungsoo just stares at his best friend.  
Was this why Jongin had insisted, earlier? Was he trying to get him to tell the truth?

Kyungsoo screwed up. He lied again.

_And you knew I was lying, this time…_

What is he supposed to do, now? Is this it?  
Is this the way their friendship breaks? Is this the moment Jongin tells him he never wants to see him again? Is this the day Kyungsoo loses everything?

_I deserve that… For hurting you._

“I-... I’m sorry, I…”

“Don’t,” Jongin repeats, shaking his head, eyes still closed.

“Jongin, I…”

“It’s okay,” the younger then says, rendering Kyungsoo speechless,” You don’t have to apologize,” he continues before sighing, “I should be the one saying sorry.”

“What?” the elder croaks out.

“For putting that burden on you,” Jongin adds, finally looking up into Kyungsoo’s eyes, tears threatening to flow out, “I never wanted to hurt you, I’m sorry…”

“Why are you apologizing? I’m… I _lied_ to you…”

“So did I, it’s okay.”

“No, it’s not!” Kyungsoo rejects, voice cracking.

_Why are you sorry, you idiot?!_

Throwing caution to the wind, he drags himself closer to Jongin, his jeans catching a splinter in the wooden floor. Jongin twitches but doesn’t move away, this time.

“Please, let me-...,” Kyungsoo says, hands trembling from how much he wants to grab Jongin’s own, “Let me just-…”

 _Explain_.

“You don’t have to, I-”

”I never meant to hurt you,” he blurts out frantically, vision starting to blur, scared of something he cannot even name. When his best friend only stares at him, Kyungsoo shakily breathes in and out, “All this time, you… And I… I didn’t… Jongin I’m _so sorry_!”

“Hyung, you-”

“When I found out,” he interrupts the younger again, “I didn’t know what to do! Knowing I’ve been hurting you for so long… I didn’t even notice! But then I _saw_ , and I… I couldn’t tell you!” he rushes, shaking his head rapidly, “I didn’t- I’m… I just…”

“Stop,” Jongin tells him softly as a tear finally escapes from Kyungsoo’s eyes, silently running along his cheek, “Luhan hyung already told me…” he breathes out, but Kyungsoo cannot do what he is asked.

He has to tell him.

_You need to know._

“I was scared,” he admits, “I’m still so fucking scared, Jongin! You’re too precious to me, and I can’t-... I’m too _selfish_! I can’t lose you!”

“It’s okay-”

“No, it’s not!”

“Hyung, I don’t care if-”

“But you should! You should be mad! You should hate me! You should-”

“How about you let _me_ decide what I should feel, huh?” Jongin cuts him in a steadier voice, and this effectively stops Kyungsoo from going on, “Listen… I’m not blaming you. For _anything_ ,” he emphasizes, “Not for _reading_ me, not for lying… Not even for not noticing… I hid it from you,” he adds hastily when Kyungsoo reopens his mouth to argue again, “On purpose. I could’ve told you. I almost did, so many times I stopped counting. But then your dad-... After...after his death, I didn’t want to burden you. You needed time to heal. And then, at some point, I just… I think I just stopped caring.”

Kyungsoo’s heart falls at the last words, terrified of what they truly meant. But before he can ask, Jongin starts talking again.

“I was okay with you not knowing. As long as I was able to be by your side, I didn’t mind that you didn’t...care about me as much as I-”

“I care about you!” Kyungsoo protests, a sob threatening to come out, “I care about you a fucking lot, Jongin!”

“I know that,” his best friend says, calmer, “I do. I can see it. I can _feel_ it. What I mean is, it was fine if you didn’t love me like I did.”

“But I _do_ love you!!!” Kyungsoo insists, voice cracking as he tries to swallow his tears.

 _Why don’t you understand_?

“But you’re not _in love_ with me, Hyung.”

“I…”

“It’s okay,” Jongin whispers with the gentlest smile Kyungsoo has ever seen.

“How can it be okay?” the elder finally sobs, face scrunching as he tries to keep his burning eyes open to look at Jongin.

“Because you’re still here. And that’s all I’m asking. This is all I’ve _ever_ asked,” Jongin confesses so effortlessly, “For you to stay with me, for us to be together, no matter what kind of relationship we had,” he adds, before releasing a soft chuckle, “If anything, I’m the most selfish out of us both.”

“You’re not,” Kyungsoo objects, shaking his head yet again, “You’re the best person I’ve ever met.”

“I’m really not.”

“You are! Everything you just said proves it. The way you stayed with me, even if I was hurting you...”

“You weren’t, though,” Jongin says, “I told you, I was fine with just...being with you. Having you in my life was enough. It still is…”

The silence stretches as they look at each other. The spark of happiness his heart burns with is fighting with the overwhelming guilt still flooding his every thought.

_You deserve so much better…_

He wants to say something, but he is still too terrified to let out a single word.

 _I can’t give you anything_.  
_Why do you love me?_

“Hyung…” Jongin then says timidly, and Kyungsoo’s stomach tightens in dread, “We… We can still be friends, right?”

Kyungsoo stares at him, not fully understanding how the man in front of him can even be real, how he can react like this after everything Kyungsoo said and did. Everything he _didn’t_ say or do. But Jongin is looking at him, eyes full of hesitation, as well as something Kyungsoo takes a few seconds to recognize.

Fear.

 _\- Don’t ever leave me._  
_\- I won’t._  
_\- You promise?_  
_\- Promise._

Jongin is afraid. Afraid Kyungsoo would distance himself, _again_. Afraid of losing his best friend.

Afraid enough to accept to let Kyungsoo remain oblivious for all these years.

_I would just keep hurting you..._

“Jongin, I don’t know if-”

“No wait!” the younger suddenly says, getting on his knees and inching forward until their legs are almost touching, “Please! I’ll- I’ll stop!” he blurts out, eyes widening, “I’ll stop loving you! I won’t love you anymore!”

“Jongin, what-”

“ _Please_!” he repeats, despair clogging his voice, “It might take some time, but I’ll stop! Please, _please_ don’t go,” he chokes, hands clasped into tight fists.

Kyungsoo hates it. He hates the glistening sheen in Jongin’s eyes, hates the way his lower lips quivers, nostrils flaring as he tries to contain the tears from cascading down his face, just as much as he visibly fights to not _reach out_ and touch Kyungsoo.

Jongin is looking at him, eyes pleading, begging, and Kyungsoo’s heart skips. He does not think, does not say anything. Instead, he leans in, bracing himself with a hand on the floor, and crashes their mouths together.

Jongin flinches, slightly backing away with eyes wide open.

“Hyung, what-“

But Kyungsoo doesn’t let him finish, and the barely audible words get cut by his lips once more.

Jongin’s thoughts are a mess. But not the random chaos Kyungsoo is used to.  
For the first time, the elder feels like he can _finally_ read him. His mind is not even formulating anything coherent. There are no words. Only feelings.

Surprise, first. Kyungsoo can feel it in the brief gasps against his lips, and then confusion, tingling in the back of Jongin’s mind right before he starts kissing back.

Kyungsoo’s palm comes cradling his best friend’s nape, pulling him slightly closer, enough for Jongin to place his own hand on Kyungsoo’s knee, nails digging in the flesh through his jeans, both to find his balance and to make sure this is all real.  
Kyungsoo can feel the apprehension, mixing with the pleasure slowly building up as his tongue gently probs Jongin’s mouth open.

Jongin likes his perfume. He feels the way it makes the younger’s inside twist in delight as his fingers tangle in the mop of Jongin’s messy hair, tugging him even closer. A soft moan slips out of his best friend’s lips, hot breath colliding with his own as Jongin moves forward, until his thigh finds his way between Kyungsoo’s knees.

Excitement fights with longing and despair inside the younger’s mind as their tongues move together in a frantic dance. He has dreamed of that for so long.  
Kyungsoo hand leaves the floor and curls itself around Jongin’s waist, pulling him until they’re both raised on their knees, chests pressed against each other as he pushes more and more, kissing him even deeper.

Hesitation vanishes from the younger’s thoughts and his fists close around the back of Kyungsoo’s shirt, keeping him in place as he fully dives into the kiss.

But all those feelings are paling in comparison to what submerges Jongin’s mind.

Fear.

Hope.

And above all, love.

Kyungsoo can taste it on Jongin’s lips, in his warm breath. He can hear it, just as clear as Jongin hears the sound of his own heartbeat pulsing in his chest. He can _feel_ it, overwhelming wave flooding in every cell of the younger’s body, coursing in his veins, flashing behind his closed eyelids, burning in his guts, until nothing remains but the purest emotion Kyungsoo has ever experienced.

Breathless, he eventually leans away, just enough so his lips are barely touching Jongin’s swollen ones, just enough so he can see the flush on his cheeks and the tiny tears on his lashes. The younger is panting, eyes still squeezed shut as Kyungsoo slowly slides his hand from Jongin’s nape to his back, and disconnects their foreheads so the younger’s thoughts can be his own again.

It takes a few minutes for the both of them to catch their breath, silence gradually engulfing the room, until Jongin’s eyes open, shining like two suns and capturing Kyungsoo’s gaze.

“W- Why did you do that?” he asks, and Kyungsoo doesn’t need to touch his skin to see the fear swimming inside him, so he sighs, puffs of warm air brushing against Jongin’s lips.

“I don’t know,” he confesses, not wanting to lie anymore, “I just… I hate to see you cry.”

It is probably not what Jongin was hoping to hear, but Kyungsoo doesn’t have a better answer.

“That’s usually not what people do when they see someone cry…” Jongin breathes out, keeping their eyes locked as his fists slowly release Kyungsoo’s shirt and fall back to his side.

“You’re not just _someone_ ,” Kyungsoo quickly says, his own hand tensing against Jongin’s waist to make sure he doesn’t pull away.

“Best friends don’t do this either…” Jongin whispers.

“I guess you’re not just my best friend, then,” Kyungsoo answers, but seeing Jongin’s lips parting, probably to ask _what_ _he is, then?_ , Kyungsoo sighs again and slowly shakes his head, closing his eyelids, “I don’t know. I’m just...confused on a whole new level, here,” he admits pathetically, “I can’t really-... I just-... I _don’t know_ ,” he finishes, not even knowing what he is trying to explain either.

“Do you regret it?” Jongin then quietly asks, and Kyungsoo’s eyes fly open at the pain in his voice, “Kissing me… Do you regret it?”

That, however, is a question he does not need to ponder over.

“No,” he whispers. Hands slightly pressing against Jongin’s back, Kyungsoo secures the younger’s eyes in his own, to make sure to convey all the sincerity he can muster, “No, I don’t,” he repeats in a more confident tone, heart skipping when Jongin looks at him with adoration.

“...You promise?” the younger asks, timidly, almost afraid again.

And this time, Kyungsoo doesn’t need to lie.

“Promise.”

It’s not until Jongin’s body suddenly sways again that Kyungsoo finally blinks and realizes they’re still kneeling on the wooden kitchen floor.

“Okay, let’s get you into bed,” he says in a worried but calm tone, “You need to rest some more. We’ll eat later.”

With a nod and a shy grin, Jongin lets himself be helped up on his feet, the elder’s hand secured around his waist as he carefully leads him to the bedroom.

Once he has tucked Jongin under the blanket, making sure only his face is visible, Kyungsoo straightens up and vaguely points towards the door.

“I’ll go put the food in some Tupperware, so we can heat it up when you wake up,” he says, starting to take a step back.

“Wait…”

“Mmh?”

“Can you...come back? Here? When you’re done?”

Kyungsoo looks at the timid expression on Jongin’s face and cannot help but smile.

“Sure,” he nods, hand reaching out to softly brush the younger’s hair away from the wound dressing.

His fingers are still tangled in the strands when Jongin turns his head and places a feathery kiss in the inside of his wrist.  
The brief contact instantly sends an image flashing in Kyungsoo’s mind. It doesn’t even last a second, but the figures and emotions are crystal clear. Jongin wants to cuddle, the mental picture showing him lying in Kyungsoo’s arms, feeling safe. _Loved_.

The younger then seems to realize what he just involuntarily disclosed, a light blush waning on his cheekbones.

“I’m sorry,” he breathes out, looking away and biting the inside of his cheek.

“Don’t,” Kyungsoo answers, thumb brushing Jongin’s unharmed temple, feeling his embarrassment through the touch and smiling gently when his best friend glances back at him, “I’ll just… I’ll be quick, so…”

“Mmh?”

“...Wait for me.”

Jongin stays silent, their eyes locked, and Kyungsoo cannot be sure, but he thinks the younger knows he isn’t only asking him to wait for him to come back before falling asleep.

  
When he finally comes back, having traded his jeans for a pair of Jongin’s too long sweatpants, he lies down next to the younger, opening his arms. Quietly, Jongin moves closer and rests his head on Kyungsoo’s chest, right above his heart. Just like he was imagining it.  
Their skin is not touching, but Kyungsoo can feel Jongin’s warmth through his shirt, with the hand settled on his lower back, and he knows the younger can hear his heartbeat.  
They stay still for a moment, enjoying the quietude in each other’s arms. Until Jongin speaks.

“It’s okay, you know?” he says, as if he was sharing a secret, “I don’t mind waiting.”

The simple words, whispered with so much honesty, send Kyungsoo’s mind in a loop of overthinking. But before long, Jongin’s hand is brushing his forearm, over his long-sleeve.

“We don’t need to talk about it,” he assures him, “We don’t even need to put a word on it.”

_When did you become the mind-reader? How do you know me so well?_

“Jongin, are you sure about this?” he asks, because he has too.

He needs to know the younger _wants_ this, whatever ‘this’ is; needs to know Jongin realizes how badly it could all end. Kyungsoo is still afraid of hurting him, even more than he already had, despite the previous reassurance.

“I told you,” Jongin says, interrupting his negative thoughts, “As long as you are with me, I’ll be fine. I’m _choosing_ this, Hyung. You don’t have to feel guilty.”

“But what if… What if I never…”

“That’s okay too. This is enough. Less than this is enough too. I’m not asking for anything,” Jongin insists, voice sincere, “Except…”

“Except?”

“Except for you not to leave,” he finishes just above a murmur, “I don’t think I could...handle that.”

Kyungsoo’s heart wavers at those words, hating himself for hurting Jongin by distancing himself, but amazed by his best friend’s pure and forgiving soul.

“I won’t,” he breathes, “Honestly, I don’t think I could handle it either.”

“Good.” The little nod and cocky satisfaction in his voice extort a breathy chuckle out of Kyungsoo, but he stops when Jongin becomes serious again, “Wait… I take that back.”

Chest tightening and mind both blanking and reeling, Kyungsoo waits for him to say more.

_Did you realize you deserve better?_

“Can I ask for one more thing?” Jongin calmly says after an agonizingly long pause.

“Y-yeah?”

The next second, fear gives way to confusion, when the younger lightly slaps Kyungsoo chest.

“Don’t ever leap into my dreams like that again!”

“Oh god,” Kyungsoo exhales, a wave of relief overwhelming him, earning a chuckle from Jongin.

“Do you know how embarrassed I was when Luhan hyung told me?!”

“Don’t you think _I_ was embarrassed when I saw what was going on?! I couldn’t even get out!”

“This is so humiliating,” Jongin whines, hiding his face in Kyungsoo’s shirt.

Not really thinking about it, Kyungsoo does the first thing his mind tells him to do and gently kisses the top of Jongin’s head. Immediately, the younger looks up, surprise in his eyes.

“It’s okay,” Kyungsoo smiles, “I think… I think I don’t mind,” he adds, but it doesn’t seem to help much, as Jongin expression looks baffled. So Kyungsoo locks their eyes, “I don’t mind you thinking about me that way,” he admits, “About _us_...doing that.”

“You don’t?”

“I don’t.”

“Then...maybe...one day…”

Jongin looks apprehensive. It doesn’t settle well in Kyungsoo’s mind and makes his stomach twist in distaste. So, once again, he does the first thing his heart wants.  
A second later, his lips are pressing against Jongin’s supple ones. The younger kisses back almost instantly, and Kyungsoo feels the elation swarming in Jongin’s mind. He slowly slides his hand up, from Jongin’s lower back to his waist, sneaking under his shirt and making his best friend gasp.  
Kyungsoo isn’t worried, though. He can _feel_ the slight shudder comes out of pleasure, right before Jongin leans away, lips just a breath away from Kyungsoo’s.

“Hyung?”

His disoriented thoughts are adorable, echoing in Kyungsoo’s mind, mostly because they’re laced with so much happiness. So Kyungsoo just breathily chuckles, and kisses him again, deeper, pulling Jongin’s body closer. And slowly, he _sees_ understanding flickering in Jongin’s head, unraveling until the younger is the one pressing forward against his mouth.  
  
  
It’s awkward, at first. It feels weird. But at one point, somehow, it becomes a nice kind of weird. They are not sure how to proceed, despite both being rather experienced in the matter.

Their eyes aren’t really meeting, too afraid to start blushing. Their hands are hesitant, just as much as their kisses.  
Jongin’s thoughts are a reflection of Kyungsoo’s, so much that he isn’t sure where his own start and Jongin’s ones begin, both embarrassed voices echoing in sync in his head.

It’s clumsy, somewhat disorganized. They have to stop several times. The condom almost slips out, because someone was a bit pretentious and bought a size too big.  
Kyungsoo gets a bad cramp in his calf, in the middle of it. And Jongin hits his own nose with his hand as they roll on the bed.  
They end up chuckling, breaking the odd tension floating between them.

When their lips meet the next time, it’s unhurried, more confident, almost natural. They take their time to relax as their bodies keep moving against each other, hearts beating a little faster.

Later, when dusk is long gone, they lie on their sides, in the middle of the large bed, facing one another. Both have a hand placed on the mattress, side by side in the small space between their chests. Their pinky fingers are brushing, playing, fighting.  
Intertwining, sometimes.

It’s just them. Kyungsoo and Jongin. Best friends turned _something-more_.  
And somehow, it feels natural.

They don’t need mind-wrecking orgasms and epic kisses under the pouring rain. This, whatever it is, is enough.

And Kyungsoo really doesn’t mind Jongin’s sleepy smile being the last thing he sees before falling asleep.

Deep down, he knows. It will not be hard for him to fall for the younger all over again. Jongin makes everything easier. He always has, since the very first day.

“Wait for me,” he says once more, pinky finger brushing against Jongin’s.

“Okay,” Jongin slightly nods, eyes shut.

“You promise?” Kyungsoo is the one to ask, this time, grinning when Jongin tired smile widens.

“Promise,” the younger answers, the word then echoing in both their minds in a sweet melody.

They have nothing but time to figure everything out.

As long as they are together.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: This story was originally titled “Your D stands for Dreams”, but like I said, my brain happened and it took a less humoristic road, so...yeah. Guess that pun wasn’t meant to be. Maybe next time!  
> Hope you enjoyed nonetheless!


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